also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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