I want to make a zoo with you.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
