community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
