Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
