OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
