I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
