I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
