I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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