Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
