did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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