he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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