dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
