i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
40s are totally the cure
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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