Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
