I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize