You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
