i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
