perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
