WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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