I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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