life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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