May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
