i think i have herpe
just one?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
