My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
