Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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