But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
