Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Randomize
