And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
