I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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