Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You pole danced in your parka.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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