Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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