I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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