my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
