My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
i think im in europe. pls send help
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