I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
