Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My vagina is very pro this idea
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
