Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize