I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
