New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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