He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
