I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Never joke about your clitoris.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
