I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
