Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
