He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
