I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
