i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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