The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
