My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Randomize