Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
