i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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