I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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