What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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