dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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