I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
