well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You are a genius and a whore.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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