i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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