Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
