remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
