In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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