the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
