I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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