he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
