So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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