You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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