all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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