They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
