just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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