SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
