ugly people sure do ruin things
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
