We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
