she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Actions speak louder than pants.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
