Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
