Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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