That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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