Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize