Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
