i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
