the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
