If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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