you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
