he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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