i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
