The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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