im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
