I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
