please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize