its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
