you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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