you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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