i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Randomize