Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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