Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
