She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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