eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
