yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize