sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
