I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
