It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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