haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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