maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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