So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
