i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize